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Romance & Relationships
Tips for Online Romance and Dating
by Deborah Brown
Back in late 1995, when I first began my online adventures,
there wasn't the proliferation of online dating sites like there is now.
At that time, people pretty much relied on newsgroups and a few web sites
devoted exclusively to providing seekers of love a means to find it.
Our advice applies to meeting someone through any of our numerous opportunities
(personals, discussion lists, chat, etc.) as well as anywhere else on the
Web. If you are worried about safety issues while looking for romance online,
consider these tips to ease your mind:
Tip #1: Keep Your Personal Information Private
Unless you know who you're dealing with, do not provide your personal information
such as full name, address and phone number. This will ensure your physical
safety. Most people are harmless and genuine about seeking a partner in love,
but the Web is full of individuals with ill intentions. This is not to say
that these individuals migrate to our site, but common sense in any arrangement
must be applied. This same advice would hold true for meeting someone through
the newspaper personals and other options.
Tip #2: Carefully Choose Your Online Name
If you are female and you intend to spend your time online in various chat
rooms or signing up for various free e-mail accounts and you don't want to
invite sexual inuendo or the virtual equivalent of a whistle and an uninvited
sexual reference, then choose a gender neutral name. Of course, if your intention
is to invite advances from men, then choose a feminine name, but be prepared
for an onslaught of advances. This tip doesn't apply to women only, though,
as the Web is full of very assertive women who will target nicks of the male
variety. By choosing a gender-neutral identity online, you afford yourself
the option of revealing your gender identity (or more) when you're comfortable
in doing so.
Tip #3: Have Your Wits About You When Meeting in Real Life
If and when you decide to meet your online friend, don't go alone. Bring
a group of friends along with you and schedule your meeting during the day
and in a public place. The person you are meeting, if they are worthwhile,
will agree to your request to meet in the safest possible surroundings.
Tip #4: Trust Your Instincts
Too many of us don't trust our instincts and betray them, often to our own
detriment. Our instincts are always trying to tell us something. Learn to
trust your instincts. If something about your online encounters feels
uncomfortable, you can almost bet that an in-person encounter will feel the
same. With this in mind, don't lead someone on in e-mail. If you get an immediate
sense that they are not your type, let them know politely by giving them
the digital equivalent of "let's just be friends." If you lead someone on
and their emotions get the best of them, there will be trouble. If they persist
even after you have proclaimed disinterest, ignore them. This includes their
repeated e-mails. If this doesn't work, retain their messages and forward
them to their online service provider. It is rare that situations ever get
to this point, but if they do, retaining such information will assist you
should you ever have to take further action.
Tip #5: Be Weary of Totally Free Personals Services
Sure, there are an abundance of free personals services across the Web. Many
of the larger Web directories offer such services. When a service is entirely
free, be cautious of the quality of the individuals with whom you correspond.
Free services are easy targets for devious or insincere types because of
that fact: they're free. More often than not, individuals who opt for a pay
service are usually seeking quality, not only in the service itself, but
in the other people who also participate.
As with any online activity, the best advice for online dating is pretty
simple: exercise common sense. Think of the Web in terms of a large city.
If you were a tourist in California, you wouldn't give your name, address,
phone number and credit card number to just anyone on the street. Right?
~~Deborah Brown is the founder of INTERracialSingles.com, INTERracialFamily.com,
LoveResources.com, askVictoria.com, eBooksforYou.com and AllforWomen.com
and has experienced online dating herself, several times. To submit your
free personal ad or browse others,
click here.
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